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Sunday, February 27, 2011

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Notes - John Gray Ph.D.

Men and Women are Hard Wired Differently and respond differently.

1. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus

Men and women are very different in the ways they think, respond and behave. Understanding these differences helps relationships. ‘We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in [the way] we react and behave when we love someone.’

2. Mr. Fix-It and the Home-Improvement Committee

Women complain that men don't listen but are just looking to provide solutions. Men complain that women are always trying to improve them and the way they do things. Men value power, competence, and achievement. They need to achieve results by themselves. Women value feelings and the quality of relationships.

Women should not offer unsolicited advice to men as it would seem critical and unaccepting. Men must listen to women without offering solutions but in order to understand what she is going through.

3. Men go to their caves and women talk

Men deal with stress by retreating to their caves: they become more focused and withdrawn. Women become more overwhelmed and emotionally involved. They want to talk about problems.

Men don’t burden others with their problems—they feel that they need to solve them alone. They can lose awareness of everything and everyone around them and become distant, unresponsive, and forgetful. Women resent this but need to have patience.

For women, sharing problems with others is a sign of trust. They openly share their feelings of frustration and hopelessness. Women are not looking for immediate solutions but want to be understood. When women talk about problems, men feel that they are being held responsible. He should not offer explanations or solutions but listen to understand.

4. How to motivate the opposite sex

Both men and women are motivated by love. Men feel loved when they are needed; women feel loved when they are cherished. To become motivated men must always feel trusted and appreciated. Women must constantly reinforce the message that the man is needed. Women need to feel loved and cherished. Men should show empathy and compassion.

5. Speaking different languages

The languages that men and women use have the same words but different and often confusing meanings. Women speak in metaphors and generalizations. If men speak at all, it is very literal and they interpret women in the same literal way.

A man talks only to convey information. A woman talks for many more reasons and complain that men don’t talk. Women should support men in their caves by going off and doing something with their friends. Men should explain why they’re not talking.

6. Men are Like Rubber Bands

Men get very close to women and then pull away. After fulfilling their need for intimacy, men feel a strong need for independence and autonomy. After fulfilling that need, they will once again feel the need for intimacy. Men constantly alternate between needing autonomy and intimacy. When a man is pulling away he should be left alone.

7. Women are Like Waves

A woman's self-esteem rises and falls like waves. When her self-esteem is high, she has plenty of love to give. When she feels low, she is unable to be as appreciative and accepting of her partner. When a woman's wave crashes a man should go out of his way to support her. He must listen, validate her feelings and give reassurance.

8. Discovering our different emotional needs

Women need to receive care, understanding, respect, devotion, validation and reassurance. Men need to receive trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, encouragement. The best way to get what we need is by giving our partners what they need.

9. How to avoid arguments

They should be avoided at all costs—negotiate, don’t argue. When a man feels challenged, he focuses on being right and forgets to be loving. He upsets her and invalidates her feelings—usually by trying to solve her problems. We need to accept that our partners aren't perfect.

10. Scoring points with the opposite sex

Men believe that they score highly with women when they do something big. Everything, whether big or small, scores one point with women. Women can score highly with men by using their scoring scheme. Big acts of love score many points.

11. How to communicate difficult feelings

Anger and disappointment need to be expressed in a loving way. Love letters are a good way to release negative emotions in a more loving way.

12. How to ask for support and get it

There are three steps to asking for and getting what you what. 1) Ask properly—involving good timing and asking in a non-demanding tone. Be brief and be direct. 2) Practice asking for support even if you expect the answer to be "no." 3) Ask assertively. One of the key elements to asking assertively is to remain silent after making your request.

13. Keeping the magic of love alive

To be successful in relationships, we must understand the different seasons of love. We must not expect our partners to always feel the same degree of love as we feel. We must learn to love our partners through "thick and thin.

6 Good Things a Little Snooze Can Do

6 Good Things a Little Snooze Can Do

Your office may not have a literal "rest" room yet, but your employer might be smart to create one. Some companies already have, including Nike and Google. Why? Studies show that a quick afternoon power nap can:

  • Boost productivity
  • Counter burnout
  • Improve memory
  • Take the edge off of stress
  • Lower risk of heart disease

There's even an app for the power nap. In fact, there are four of them, from free ones with soothing ambient noise to more sophisticated programs that (for a small fee) provide different sound frequencies to lull you to sleep and gently wake you at a preset time.

Here are three ways to get the best from your siesta:

  • Limit naps to 30 minutes. Give yourself 10 to fall asleep and 20, at most, for napping. The benefits of a 5- to 20-minute nap are almost immediate and last up to 3 hours. Going into a deeper, longer sleep causessleep inertia. That's a doc's way of saying you'll have a hard time waking up, and everything you do for the next hour or so will feel like a big effort.
  • Get comfy. Slip off your shoes, loosen your belt or your tie, and, if you can, recline. The more comfortable you are, the faster you'll slip into sleep. If the best rest you can manage is to snooze in your car, tilt the seat back and go for it -- as long as you're parked in a safe place.
  • Don't nap too late in the day. Earlier naps are less deep and more beneficial, according to a recent study. They make you more alert, improve your performance, and speed up your reaction time. What boss wouldn't approve of that? The one exception to this rule: Nap later if you're planning to dance all night, say, at your BFF's wedding.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

6 Ways to Revive Skin for Spring

Revive your skin for spring.

Revive your skin for spring.

Spring's warmer weather and the change of the season can have an impact on your skin. More moisture in the air and sunshine in the forecast could make your skin more oily than usual and even cause it to breakout more often. You'll need to make some changes to your daily skincare routine to accommodate for the change of the season and prepare it for some fresh new color palettes in the makeup department.

Here are just six ways to revive your skin for spring:

1. Bring on the sunscreen. More sunshine in the weather forecast means you need to be extra careful about sun protection. Make sure you're wearing a light layer of sunscreen under makeup, and using sunscreen-infused makeup products.

2. Keep up the moisture level. Moisturizing your skin after cleansing and toning is essential for keeping skin smooth, supple and looking youthful. Make sure you are drinking plenty of water throughout the day, and are using a high-quality moisturizer day and night.

3. Switch to mineral makeup. Say goodbye to heavy foundation as the weather warms up and switch to a more natural, mineral makeup line. You can still get a flawless look with mineral makeup and it will feel much better on your face and neck when you spend more time outdoors. Use a makeup primer to keep makeup in place and to create that smooth and flawless finish you want.

4. Use a deep pore cleansing mask once per week. Keep your skin blemish-free and prevent breakouts by deep-cleaning the pores at least once per week. If you find that you're sweating more than usual during the spring months, you'll need to take extra steps to keep those pores free of oil and dirt. A deep pore cleansing mask could be just what you need to keep skin clear through the spring months.

5. Exfoliate regularly. Winter season may have left you with dry and flaky skin, or rough patches of skin that are difficult to mask with makeup. Buff away those dead skin cells using a facial scrub or buffing cloth, or head to the spa for a microdermabrasion treatment. Your skin will look and feel fresher, softer and more toned with regular exfoliation sessions.

6. Throw out old skincare and makeup products. Make sure you're not holding on to makeup and skincare products that have expired or you could risk getting some serious breakouts. Old makeup and skincare products can also clog the pores and make your skin look dull. Check the expiration dates on all of your beauty products and do some "spring cleaning" as needed.